Shelby’s Reflection:
Perhaps one of the greatest oxymorons of all time is a ‘lonely mother’ when you consider the 24/7 demands of little people. But loneliness is real and hits all of us up for many reasons. Sometimes we feel alone because we’ve lost our identity in motherhood. Other times we’re lonely because we’ve reached the empty nest stage. One of the worst feelings of isolation is when we pay admission to the I’m the only one who club. The only mom who screams at her kids, burns dinner, forgets the tooth fairy, or leaves a basement door open, resulting in a toddler plummeting down the stairs. (That’d be me. I might be the only one). Or we believe we are the only mom who fights neediness, depression, insecurity, resentment, frustration, anger. The only mom who has a child who is__________ or does _________. We run these scripts through our minds, isolating ourselves even further out of fear, shame, and remorse.
An even harder scenario is the single mom, or the mom who balances everything because her husband works seven days a week, or the mom whose spouse is sick and needs constant medical care. All situations produce heavy and tangible loneliness.
But we’re never the only one who anything. There are thousands of moms out there struggling just like we are—feeling the same feelings, battling the same wars. When we dare to be authentic and vulnerable about our feelings, we’ll find soul sisters ready to “me too” us into fullness and connection. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gaped when finding out my experiences as a mom aren’t unique. The ache of loneliness can evaporate in an instant when we find common ground with another.
Admitting our sense of isolation is no easy task. In fact, doing so can feel humiliating. This is where God comes in. If we cry out to Him first by saying, “Look at me and help me! I’m all alone and in big trouble.” (Psalm 25:16 MSG), we might find out God has the perfect friend or even a total stranger ready to meet us where we’re at. He works wonders that way. All we need to do is be on the lookout.
Lisa Leshaw‘s Reflection:
Being a mom can sometimes be a lonely experience despite the beauty and glory of this role.
It seems contradictory to logic that we can feel alone amidst our children and all the daily routines that consume us, mind, body, and soul.
Yet have we not all found ourselves sitting in the middle of the living room rug on the verge of tears or well past the floodgates bursting open and wondering why? What’s wrong with me? I have everything! I should be grateful for these miracles.
We keep these feelings to ourselves for fear that we will be judged. We hold on to the shame and guilt and never realize that the mom next door is sitting on HER living room rug contemplating the same feelings. The vastness of our responsibility as moms could break us if we gave it too much thought.
So when we feel alone there are ways to combat the aloneness and ones I am certain are God-approved:
• Take a walk outside with your little ones, and smile at a stranger; it humanizes everything and causes an immediate change in perspective. You might well bump into another lonely mom, and if you help her feel better, it helps you as well!
• Sing! God gave us a voice so we could rejoice, and there’s no better way to lift your spirit than to burst out in song. Grab your childhood microphone (hairbrush) and let it rip! If the neighbor chooses to close her window to drown you out, even better.
• Look through a photo album, which is a scrapbook of your life and a glorious reminder of the miles you have walked to get here. It, too, brings perspective back into focus.
• Take a look in the mirror and say ‘Thank You’ to YOU for doing an extraordinary job under incredibly difficult and challenging circumstances every day. Isn’t motherhood beautiful and so challenging simultaneously?
When you find yourself stuck in the muck of motherhood, in the trenches where we all have been, open your Bible and read Psalm 40:2 (NIV): “He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”
Personal Reflection:
What is one action you can take today to feel connected?
The above is from Chapter 2, “Alone Moms”, from the book, How Are You Feeling, Momma? (You don’t need to say, “I’m fine.”), co-authored with my dear friend, Lisa Leshaw. If you like this chapter, Lisa and I discuss 30 more of these universal mom feelings from both our perspectives as a Christian mom and Jewish step-mom. We hope our authentic and candid sharing will bring hope and encouragement to all of you.
Here’s more info about the book. Or you can go grab your copy today at Amazon and Barnes & Noble and iTunes
Unburden your heart, crazy Mommas!
